Jasmine Hart

Poem Thirty My Sister Kara My big sister Kara does not move even though she's always moved faster and further than me, perpetually nonstationary, and now... I've seen more life ...

Hi Thane, Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I like your subject matter here, and the contrast between war and the beach is great. I'd break it ...

Hi yuriiko, I really loved the twist in the second stanza.I'd cut "A money worth to give" because it's a bit jerky and you don't need it and change "All ...

Ahh I just wrote a whole review for this and I lost it! Grr. I really loved the last two lines here, they were very effective, and the subject matter ...

Hi, This flows nicely and you have a good sense of rhythm. I'd run a spell check to catch little slips like "dieing" which should be "dying". I think that ...

Poem Twenty Nine Beautiful I slept in a hammock last night and it swung back and forth, ship on the sea, and I remembered you when the one before this ...

Hi, This is an interesting piece. I really like the first line and the last four. I think that for the type of piece this is you should really be ...

I'm a bit behind...stupid exams. Poem Twenty-Six Boring Phone-calls *submitting* Poem Twenty-Seven Going Home I swear I can feel chlorine on my skin, it's going into my eyes, stinging, making ...

Poem Twenty-Five Trust Me Neither bleak nor black as ebony, more like the fifty shades of grey in "All About Eve", say, especially at the moments when you totally believe ...

I really enjoyed this. I was a bit daunted by the long lines and stanzas but that's just because I generally sometimes feel daunted by long poetry. I really loved; ...

The first verse is brilliant. I especially love; "even though the ticket inspectors are so strict about feet on seats." I think "dance" is too much in the second stanza ...

Poem Twenty Four I Think My Tap Is Broken (Is that a sign or what?) Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Take a wrench to the tap, or a spanner, whatever (is ...

Hi, This was an interesting piece and progressed nicely. I especially like the first line. I'd just make a few minor changes; I'd add punctuation, but that's a personal taste ...

Poem Twenty-Three Reaction "But why?" you ask. And I sigh. I have nothing to say. I've been swimming every morning this week, I've taken more shifts so I can get ...

Hi, This flows nicely. I like the description in the first five lines. It's lovely and vivid. After that I think this gets a bit too abstract. Rather than using ...